Liberty House Page 7

  "What don’t Susan understand? She likes you, and she’s a nurse. She’d understand. She told me some of the things she's seen, and much of it is worse than your scar," Gloria paused then added, "She's also family."

  "Not yet."

  "Tommy!" Gloria snapped.

  "You don't want her to marry Matt?" Katrina's voice carried a note of surprise.

  "I don't know. It's just, what if it is wrong for them to marry? Or if she's not made for the family?"

  "Why? I'm goin’ to marry Jerry someday, probably. You have a problem with that?" Gloria said, sarcastically.

  "Of course not, but Jerry fits in the family. I'm not sure Susan does."

  "Why?"

  "She's so different from us."

  Susan swallowed the lump in her throat, blinking back tears. If that's what everyone thought, maybe she was making a mistake to try to join this family. She wanted to crawl away back to her room, but Katrina spoke again. "What do you mean?"

  When Tommy didn't answer, Gloria did. "Is it ‘cause she grew up with parents and in the North?"

  "No. It's just…" She didn't finish.

  "Tell me the real reason," Gloria demanded.

  Tommy finally said, "Well, she won't be able to understand Matt and where he comes from ‘cause she had a perfect life, unlike any of us."

  "Tommy, she loves Matt. She might have to learn life ain't perfect, but that's part of life. They'll get through it together. There is going to be a wedding in five weeks. It ain't being called off again."

  "What d’you think, Katrina? You're normally not this quiet."

  "I don't know Susan that well. But I think she is tryin’ and is bein’ wise about what her future holds. She ain't goin’ into being a Starry blindly." It got quiet in the kitchen for a moment before Katrina spoke again, her voice trembling a little. "I been wonderin’ somethin’."

  Susan straightened against the wall when she heard a chair move. Next, she heard water being poured into the tub, followed by water filling a pot. A chair grated against the floor again, and Katrina spoke, "Has Susan seen Matt's scars? She doesn't know I'm partly deaf."

  "I didn't realize she didn't know about you bein’ hard of hearin’. And no, I don't think so. She was at our last mud fight, but she ain’t muddy, and his shirt was on. Same with Andrew, now that I think of it," Tommy answered.

  "I didn't even think about Matt wearin’ his shirt. He never does in water fights," Gloria said.

  "I knew Andrew did want to hide it from her. His scars are much worse than Matt's though." Katrina told them.

  Susan's stomach knotted. She felt so hurt. Her future sisters-in-law did not like her. And how did she not know Katrina was partly deaf? How did she speak and know what someone was saying so well without messing up? But worse was her fiancé had hidden his scars from her. She blinked back tears. The worst part was she had no idea about the scars.

  "So, even he is unsure how to trust her with his past and where the scars came from," Gloria continued.

  "Give her a chance. Your scar ain't worse than mine or Andrew or Matt's for that matter," Katrina's voice wobbled.

  "I know that. It's just that..." Tommy didn't finish.

  "Trust."

  "Yup. I ain't ever been good at that."

  "I tell you what. I'll tell Susan my past, and you tell her yours. Deal? And we can talk to Matt about it," Gloria sounded nervous at the deal.

  Tommy sounded skeptical, "You will really do that? Why?"

  "Because I care about Susan, and I am willin’ to trust her," Gloria said, though her voice held a fear. "Do it for her and Matthew."

  A wave of relief and hope came over Susan.

  Tommy nodded.

  "They can't go into marriage with these secrets between them. Maybe Ellen or Owen can talk with them about it," Katrina told them. "I was going to talk to Ellen about it, but she has been very stressed lately."

  Gloria and Tommy agreed.

  "I noticed Ellen yelling at the children," Tommy said.

  Gloria spoke. "It's the boys, I see in them what our brothers went through. I would almost say it is due to something in the past, but it can't be that." A chair moved. "Water's hot."

  "Thanks. It's kinda chilly in here," Tommy said.

  Susan leaned against the wall and thought about all she heard. She knew this family wasn't easy, but not this hard. It didn't make sense. Couldn't they just trust her? She chanced a look into the hole and saw Tommy getting in the tub, her back to her. She gasped at what she saw on Tommy's back. A long-jagged mark scarred her lower back. It looked like a knife wound. Susan opened the door and stepped in.

  Chapter Seven

  Tommy heard a gasp. Susan. She got down in the tub and put her head under the water to hide from Susan. She could not believe Susan had heard their whole conversation. She finally had to come up for air. Gloria tossed her a cloth to wash with and cover a little with at least. Gloria and Katrina had seen her bathe since they all would do it together in the orphanages or the homes, but Susan was not used to it and would probably feel awkward. Another reason Tommy didn't let her help. The room was dead silent.

  Finally, Katrina spoke up, "Okay, I need to see some lips moving." She pulled her night robe to cover the scars on her neck.

  Susan sat at the table, "Well, this has been helpful talk. I finally get to know what you think of me."

  "Susan, I'm sorry," Tommy whispered.

  "No, I'm glad you finally said the truth, but I thought you'd say it to me, not behind my back," she told them.

  "I couldn't."

  "Why? Tell me why you couldn't?" Susan's voice raised in distress.

  Tommy didn't know what to say.

  "Tommy, answer me," Susan ordered.

  Tommy looked away and swallowed. "I couldn't."

  Gloria spoke up, knowing Tommy would never tell. "She was afraid you would leave."

  "So, you want me to stay? I thought you didn't." Confusion wrinkled Susan's forehead.

  "I don't know. It's just I don't know how…"Tommy couldn't finish.

  "To trust." Gloria finished the thought for her.

  If only she could. She turned to Gloria. "How’d you learn?"

  "Tommy, when I became a Christian, I learned to trust God and Ellen the way I should. Jesus taught me how to love, not only trust. It was over time, though. It didn't happen overnight. Missy taught me a lot about trust. I miss her so much. The past stills hurt," Sincerity shone through Gloria's hazel eyes. "Though God has made such a difference, I may never trust enough to get married."

  Tommy was shocked she would admit her feelings with Susan in the room. All the girls and Ellen had talked about purity and sex many times, though it didn't seem to change how Gloria felt when she got near Jerry. She was terrified of intimacy, though she loved him.

  Tommy swallowed. "Well, if it's hard for you, then I don't know how I am going to learn."

  "Why? It doesn't make sense why someone so sweet and kind can't do something as simple as to trust folks?" Susan narrowed her eyes at Tommy. "You seem to trust men more than women."

  Tommy rubbed the cloth on her goose-bumped arms. "I don't make friends easily, and I’ve grown up with men and boys, and then Gloria and Katrina, and the woman in my life before my Nanny left." She had never told anyone that. "Life has never been easy for me."

  "I'm sorry, Tommy." Tommy could tell Susan meant that sincerely. "But try to trust me. I won't leave. I've stayed with this family long enough. You're stuck with me, okay?"

  "Susan, trust takes time. Just give it some time, both of you," Gloria advised.

  Tommy nodded.

  "Hey, Tommy, look at me," Susan said. Tommy inhaled and met Susan's compassion-filled eyes. "Gloria's right. I have seen so much. I don't pity you or think any less of you because of what you've been through. It's not like anyone sees your scar besides the girls. Believe me, I have met some people that have scars much worse."

  "Thanks for…" Tommy couldn't finish because of the lump in her throa
t.

  "For not doing what you thought I would do," Susan said what they all already knew. Susan's voice softened. "Tommy, do you mind telling me what happened to your back?"

  Tommy stared ahead, the pain of the memory surfacing ahead. But she couldn't tell them the real reason. They would reject her if they knew how she got this scar. She pushed back the memory. She was better at not thinking about it. Something had been off lately. She kept thinking of the real reason. She took a breath for something she had said too often.

  "When my parents died, I was left in the house for three days and being only six, I cut myself bad. I almost bled to death, but some neighbors found me in time. It took some time to heal, and then I got sent here when I was around eight."

  "I'm so sorry that happened."

  You'll hate me if you knew the truth, Tommy thought, but then pushed that thought away.

  "Thanks for trying to understand us," Gloria said.

  "Well, that is not an easy job, my dear."

  "Guess you're up for a challenge then." Tommy smiled for the first time that night.

  "You know much about Matt's past?" Gloria asked.

  "Some of it, but I didn't know about the scars. It has been tough growing our relationship, and that's something I guess we didn't cover. He knows most about my past," Susan said. Not that she had much of one.

  Susan eyed Katrina. "Katrina, how do you not miss a thing we are saying?"

  "I read your lips." Katrina met her eyes confidently.

  "Were you born hard of hearing?"

  "Yes, and a fire took most of it." She added, "At least I can hear a little."

  "Yes, you are blessed," Susan said. "I think we should call it a night, though." She smiled. "I have never had nights like this before I came here."

  Gloria chuckled. "And you never will again. We are one of a kind."

  Susan smiled. "I hope you all never change on some things."

  The next day, Sawyer went to talk to Matt and Jerry. He didn't know how to ask them his questions. They were so close, and he didn't want to offend them, but he knew he could always be truthful with them. He headed into the office to find Matt and Jerry there. "Hey, Yanks." He sat down in a chair and joined their conversation about how Cole was doing. After a bit, Matt asked him, "So what do you want, Sawyer?"

  Sawyer looked at him. How did he always know? But Matt knew his family well. "I have some questions?"

  "Shoot."

  "I know Jesus died for me, but the thing I can't get over is how He can…" He paused, not sure how to say what was on his mind.

  "How to accept Him when we don't deserve His love and we haven't worked for it?" Jerry said.

  "That's all you're having trouble with?" Matt asked.

  "Yeah, I mean I’m not used to people givin’ me stuff for free."

  Matt was quiet for a minute. "Sawyer, when you became part of this family, did you have to work for it? Or did we welcome you with open arms? I'm not sayin’ Ellen and Owen were perfect, but we all wanted you to be a part of the Yankees. Do you know why?"

  "Because of Tommy," he replied. Tommy had always been the favorite but to Sawyer it was so much more. He protected her in so many different ways. He thought of her more than what he needed. Sometimes that was for himself as well. If all was in order between Tommy and him, he could relax. It might not make sense to some, but it worked for Sawyer. But now it wasn't. He wasn’t happy. He wanted peace.

  "Wrong," Matt said firmly. "We all were talkin’ in the fort by the ocean, seein’ if we wanted another two Yanks. We knew you and Tommy by then. We wanted you because we knew you needed us, and we wanted you, not because of Tommy, but because we loved you and knew you would make our family complete. And you didn't have to work at it; you just had to be you.

  "At first, you were like the rest of us and didn't want Ellen and Owen to love you, but they can't be kept at it without expecting anything back." Matt paused, briefly closing his eyes, maybe praying for the right words. "Sawyer, God is tryin’ to get you to come to Him just like we did so long ago. He won't give up either; He will just keep tryin’. But you must accept Him just like you did us. He’ll take you as you are-not perfect, but sinful and broken-and He’ll heal you. He’ll give you greater healin’ than we ever could."

  Sawyer looked down at his scuffed boots. "You don't realize what all I’ve done in my life. I'm not a good man." He finally looked at Matt. "Why would God want me when He can have anyone else who’s better?"

  Matt spoke softly. "Sawyer, we love you despite whatever happened, and even if only God knows what you've done, He wanna forgive you. The Bible says in Romans, ‘For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.' Bro, even if you were the only person on Earth, God would’ve died just for you, just to save you. It also says, ‘But God commendeth his love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.'"

  Sawyer had heard all this truth before, but this time he listened like he needed it. Like he wanted it.

  Matt continued, "The Bible says to call on His name, and all of your sins will be forgiven. He will make you one of His children. His own son. He sent His Son as a gift that gives you hope and salvation. You can leave that gift, or you can take that gift and be healed from all your hurt and guilt." He paused, "You’ll always grow in the Lord when you believe. You gon’ give all your hurts and control to Him every day. I been learnin’ things with Susan that I need to let go and trust. It's like a journey with God being with you every step of the way."

  "I want to trust Him like that. I really do but…" So many doubts and questions filled his mind and heart.

  "Does it have to do with Tommy?" Jerry asked. He watched this family for a very long time and knew that what held the family together was each other. He didn't know how, but Tommy was the reason for the Yankees staying together for the most part.

  "Maybe a little." He sighed. "Okay, yeah. If I give my heart to Jesus, she won't trust me."

  "Yes, she will. We believed, and she still trusts us," Matt said.

  No, she doesn't. Not with the truth, no one knows. He couldn't say that though. And if Maverick was here, he would understand. He always knew when something was hidden.

  "Sawyer, if you decide to believe, do it because you want to, not on what Tommy will do or think."

  "I’ll try, but it’s so hard to do that. Everything I do, I have always thought of her first."

  "I know you have, but you have to stop and think about what’s best for you. This is between you and God. Not Tommy."

  Sawyer nodded. He understood, but understanding didn't make deciding any easier.

  Matt got something out of his desk and handed it to Sawyer. "Sawyer, I want you to read the book of Romans. It's in the New Testament. It'll help with your doubts. I underlined my favorite verses."

  Sawyer took the Bible. He had a Bible at home. All the family did, but whether they read them or not was up to them. "I'll do that." He got his stuff to leave and started for the door.

  "Bye, Sawyer. And, Sawyer, I love you, man." Saying ‘I love you' in that family was hard to do. They hadn't had parents tuck them in at night and telling them they loved them till their teen years. Now, it was so hard because they had grown and weren't children anymore. The word was still not used lightly.

  "Thanks, Matt." Sawyer's eyes began to sting with tears, and he couldn't speak. He had to go.

  "I hope God shows you what He has been tryin’ to tell you for years," Jerry told him.

  Sawyer pushed off the rising emotion. "Thanks, Yanks. Stay safe." He then headed out, a multitude of thoughts swirling through his mind as he mounted his horse and rode away.

  Tell the truth about that night. Tell the truth. Juan Jose's words echoed through Sawyer's mind. Juan Jose was a good friend.

  Then another voice pierced through. Never tell anyone about that. If you do, boy, he'll find you. And you'll never be free from that night again. Never tell. Mr. Meyer leaned over the boy. He was a bad man.

  Still anot
her voice sounded. Sawyer, you should always tell the truth. No matter what, trust God to take care of your troubles. He will always take care of you.

  One thought after another crowded his mind. Only trust yourself. You can't count on anyone in this world, just yourself.

  Live by what you have been taught. Always remember what you have been taught.

  You will never find the love you are looking for if you tell the truth. Never tell the truth. If you do, they will leave you. Never tell anyone.

  I love you, Sawyer, and Jesus loves you more. The truth will set you free. Juan Jose’s eyes were so kind.

  Sawyer woke up in a cold sweat and sat up in bed, shaking from the dream. He glanced at the clock- almost six. Well, he wasn't going back to bed, not after that dream, or as he should say, nightmare. He got up and dressed, then lit the lamp on the table, noticing as he sat down, the Bible that lay there. Isaiah and Jesse were still asleep; he could hear Jesse snoring through the cabin walls. He had gotten used to it.

  He opened the Bible to the book of Romans. He knew the Bible well from his past, but none of the family knew that. He started reading Romans 8, but the verses 35-39 are what spoke to him, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, for thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love from God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

  Sawyer finished the end of the chapter then gazed out the window at the sunrise. "God, did You leave me? God, when I left everything I knew, I thought You had left me too. I was so mad at You for leaving me, so angry. I needed You most, and You just left and made me come here. I hated it here. I was so afraid, so angry and scared. Why? Did You not want me?"