Liberty House Read online

  Sawyer laid his head in his hands and wept like he hadn't cried in years, crying for all the pain he had been through. The pain he had hidden for years.

  A quiet whisper in his soul broke through. ‘I've never left you.’

  Sawyer looked up again. "Lord, I need You. I can't do it anymore on my own. I need You. This hurt and guilt in my heart...I need You to take it away and be the savior of my life, ‘cause I ain't doin’ a good job. Forgive me of all I have done badly. Come into my heart and make me new."

  What Sawyer felt was such peace and relief. He hadn't felt like this since that night almost fifteen years ago. "Thank you for savin’ me and acceptin’ me. Now, I know You have been there for me, that's why You sent me and Tommy here to people that love us."

  Jesse walked into the kitchen and over to the fire to get it warmed up. "You're up early," he muttered. "Couldn't sleep?"

  Sawyer looked at his brother. "Jesse?"

  "Yeah?" Jesse glanced at him. "What's wrong?"

  Sawyer smiled. "Nothing, I just decided to put my trust in God."

  Jesse stared at him in shock. "You serious?"

  Sawyer nodded. "Yup, I’m in all the way."

  Jesse hugged Sawyer and laughed. "Now we’re brothers in Christ! Brothers from another mother but the same Father."

  Sawyer chuckled. He heard his brothers say that before, but now he felt like he belonged.

  Jesse patted Sawyer on the shoulder. "Ellen will be so happy for you." He added a little more soberly, "The family will be happy to hear too."

  For the most part, it was true, but Sawyer knew Tommy wouldn't be that happy. His heart grew heavy for her. He still had to tell her. He prayed silently, "God, you love Tommy more than I do. Give her comfort and peace because I don't believe she has experienced that in a long time."

  Isaiah walked out to see what the noise was about.

  Chapter Eight

  "Hey, Yanks," Sawyer drawled as he walked into Tommy's house that afternoon. Her home bustled with activity. Everyone was carrying or tossing something down the ladder from upstairs. Something large grated against the ceiling overhead.

  Tommy walked over to him. "You're coming to help me move my furniture?" She teased.

  "I'm here to save the day," he replied.

  "I have five brothers for that reason."

  He hugged her. She hugged him back, surprise written on her face. She whispered. "What's that for?"

  "I just wanted to. You're wonderful, you know that?"

  "I do." She smiled. "Come, I'll put you to work."

  "Always willing to help." It was true, but what he really wanted was to talk to the brothers. He went to work, and in the room was either Tommy or Andrew and Maverick. He waited until Tommy went to start lunch, with Katrina going to help, and Andrew tagging along, probably wanting a break from all the work. Maverick left for the office with Frank. Jesse had just walked into the kitchen with the fish he'd just caught.

  Now, it was just Cole, Jerry, and Matt. He didn't know how to tell them.

  Matt made it easier by asking, "You want to tell us something?"

  He nodded. "I believe."

  "Believe what?" Matt eyed him.

  " Jesus died and rose again for my sins. I believe." He smiled.

  "Wow, I'm glad. How are you feeling about that?" Matt asked.

  "So different. The pain and guilt are gone. I can't explain it, but I just love Him, and want to serve Him now." He told them about all he learned and asked them questions. When Tommy came in, Sawyer went quiet as did the others.

  Tommy looked at them all. "You boys are doing well. I'll want the bed right here, and after you're done, do you mind dusting the spider webs? I would, but I can't reach them."

  "That's 'cause you're short," Matt teased.

  "I am not. Y’all are just tall, and so is this room," she defended herself.

  "You're not short. My sister and ma are short," Cole told her.

  Tommy's gaze lifted to the top of Cole's head. "You're not short at all. You didn't inherit that trait. You inherited the muscles, though." Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just said.

  "You think that, do you?" Cole's face reddened a bit, but his eyes had a little sparkle of delight behind them.

  Relaxing a little, she leaned against the door and studied him. "You know that. You don't need anybody telling you that." She winked at him and walked out.

  "She’s one spunky woman." Cole smiled.

  "That's the truth.” Sawyer sighed. “I care for her, and I’m so scared I’ll hurt her. I am happy, but I'm scared for her soul, and I'm afraid I'll hurt her. That's what hurts the most." Sawyer sat down on the bed. He held his head in his hands.

  "Just love her and be honest. We'll pray for you and her. Just be clear and make sure she understands," Matt said gently.

  "It'll be alright. She handled the rest of the family being Christians," Jerry told him.

  "Tommy is closer to Sawyer than y'all. She'll take it harder," Cole stated.

  They all agreed.

  "Do it today. The sooner the better." Cole advised him.

  "I will."

  "Well, I'll go shake this rug." He was ready to leave when he looked at Sawyer. "I'm happy for you, Sawyer."

  "I'm gonna go talk to Tommy. Pray for her and me." He sighed and walked out. He could tell her the truth. He didn't have a choice.

  He walked into the kitchen and saw Tommy with flour on her hands. She looked at him and teased, "You quitting on me?"

  "Yup." He smiled, but his serious thoughts quickly erased it. "Wash your hands; I need to speak to you."

  Her eyebrows furrowed in question. Then, she did as he bid.

  He took her hand and told Gloria they would be back soon. They walked to the barn and went in. "What'd you want?"

  "I need to tell you somethin’." He took a deep breath.

  "Tell me what?" She asked as she looked in his eyes.

  "I made a decision to…about God."

  "What did you say?" Her face was starting to harden.

  "Tommy, can you sit here?" He led her to a bench.

  She did and waited.

  "I'm a Christian," he whispered, but he kept eye contact. He was bursting with his news, but he knew she was going to hit the ceiling. Her expression changed from disbelief, to pain, confusion, then betrayal. He had felt the exact feelings before.

  She stood up and paced. "You're lyin’. How can you do that? You're funnin’ me. That's impossible. How can you do that after you know the truth? You're lyin’!" She was now close to yelling at him.

  "I saw that I need God. More now than ever. You need Him too, hon'."

  "I don't need you preachin.' I need to know why you’re doin’ this? Do you just want to hurt me? Well, you picked a good way to do it." She walked back and forth like a caged animal.

  He sighed. "I don't know how to do this, so I'll talk from my heart. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, knowin’ how hard it would be for you, but I know believin’ is the right thing. I've wanted to find healing for so long, and Jesus gave that to me. I can't back down now. I gave my life to Him," he said with more strength than he felt.

  "I don't understand. You know the truth of that night, and you're willin’ to trust God after that? You will leave." She glared at him. She couldn't think straight. The truth hurt so bad. "You're my brother. The one I thought I knew…but now I don't know."

  "I love you more now than ever. I’m still your brother from the day you were born. I'm still here for you. I’m not like them. They were wrong, but you have to see I still love you and will always love you."

  "Yeah, right. You’ll leave. I know you will. They all do," she snapped.

  "The brothers didn't leave and neither did the girls,” he told her.

  "But they don't know the truth as you do. You will leave." She turned away from him.

  He prayed for wisdom, then walked over and took her in his arms, but she pulled away and he let her go. She never cried, hadn't in nea
rly fifteen years. "I love you, my girl. I always will," he whispered.

  She walked to the opening of the barn, turned around, and glared at him, her hands on her hips. "You being a Christian now, you have to show me you're still here for me and won't run off with your new faith," she said bitterly. She looked at the ground and turned towards her house when she ran into Cole and nearly fell over.

  Cole held her shoulders to help her stand. "You okay?" He asked gently. Concern wrinkled his forehead as he took in her pale face and how weak and worn out she looked.

  She nodded and pulled away.

  "You're a pitiful liar. Has anyone told you that before?"

  "Shut up," she stated, then walked up to the cabin. Cole watched her, a pained look on his face. Then he turned to Sawyer. "She handled that well."

  "That's an understatement," Sawyer muttered.

  He stood in front of Sawyer. "Tommy ain't Julia. Don't replace Julia with her."

  Sawyer flinched as the feeling hit his gut. He just nodded.

  "You will have to move on from her."

  Sawyer glared at him. Only Cole knew about the sister that Sawyer lost. That was one thing the two had in common. Neither had moved past that time in their lives.

  Ellen rode up on a Paint with all her children in tow. They dismounted, tied their horses to the rail, and then ran to the house. Ellen smiled at Sawyer and Cole. "How are you both?"

  Cole nodded. "I’m goin’ to the cabin to see what the children are up to." Knowing they had to talk, he walked away.

  Ellen walked up to her dark-haired son. He had always been so protective of all of them. He was the gentlest, always there to wipe her tears when life got hard. She loved him deeply. Which is why she could tell something was amiss with him. She walked up to him and put an arm around his tall form. "Come talk to me, son," she said gently.

  They sat down on the bench Tommy had just left. Ellen waited, knowing he would tell her in his time. She just hoped one of the children wouldn't come out to them.

  Finally, Sawyer spoke soberly without looking at her. "Your deepest wish came true."

  Ellen didn't move, then it hit her. "You believe?"

  He nodded, glancing at her. Giving her a small grin.

  Ellen hugged him. "I am so glad, son. It has been my deepest wish that all my children will know the healing of Christ." She looked at him, and another thought hit her. "You told Tommy."

  He nodded, and tears came to his eyes. "I didn't want to hurt her. She’s all I have, and now she won't trust me," he told her softly what Tommy had said.

  Ellen wiped his tears. "Dear, Tommy will see you mean well and let go. She didn't mean to say those things, I’m sure." She added, "You two have always been close. This decision isn’t gonna change that."

  Sawyer leaned his head against Ellen's chest and cried. "She is hurt, and I want her to know the peace I feel." He cried in her arms, and though he was so much bigger, she still held him like she had when he was a little boy and was hurt.

  She rocked him back and forth and let him cry for all the pain he had known. Now, hopefully, he could let it go. She whispered comforting words, mostly, "I love you, my son."

  His bond with Tommy was strong. Sometimes it wasn't healthy. When Tommy was at an adoptive home, he would get so much worse. He never hit Ellen or the girls, but he would hit and throw things at the boys. Once, he threw a book and hit Katrina. Katrina was not used to the orphanage life, so she hid under Ellen's desk for the next week.

  When Tommy got back from the homes, Sawyer would go back to controlling everything she did. And of course, she did everything he wanted.

  When they got to Silkwood, they kept Sawyer from controlling his sister by having him working with his brothers and Ben, along with Tommy working with Missy and the other girls. It helped them build a healthy relationship.

  It wasn't always easy, but Sawyer had his childish way of always thinking he had to be the parent. He, like Tommy, had fears that often didn't make sense to others. Ellen tried to help him through his trials. But it was all worth it when they made a decision like today. It didn't mean she didn't love her unsaved children just as much. She taught all her children to love Christ from when she met them. But the choice was always theirs and now that they were adults, she learned not to push too hard or they would flee. They knew the truth. It was up to God and His child. He loved them more than she did anyhow.

  ‘Thank you, God, for taking Your son into Your arms. I praise You for my son.’ Ellen prayed silently. ‘Help Tommy accept this decision. Help Sawyer to heal.’

  He finally calmed down and met her gaze. "Thank you for all you’ve done-even with never getting a thank you. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me for putting you through hard times. I feel guilty about how I treated you."

  Ellen smiled lightly. "I ain’t a mamma for the ‘thank you's’. I’m a mamma because I want my children to find peace and live joyful lives full of the love of Christ; that’s why I do it. But you're welcome. There ain’t one day I don't thank God for bringing you into my family. That little red-haired boy who spoke for his mute sister." She kissed his forehead. "I forgive you, my son."

  "I lost my second mom when I was seven. I got angry over how she just died and left me. I took it out on you." He paused like he had a hard time getting the words out. "I’ve been thinkin’ about her. She believed. I think she woulda liked you."

  Ellen had never been told something that personal from her son whom she had raised since he was fourteen. "I’m sure I would’ve liked her too."

  Sawyer wiped at more tears, but these seemed like they were happy tears. The first Ellen had ever seen her son shed.

  Ellen kissed his forehead again. She believed in touching her children a lot, properly of course. She wanted to show them touch can be nice and gentle and that this is how a person is to be treated. She needed to show it more since they hadn't experienced it much before they came to her. They were taught to survive on their own for so long. She saw what love and consistency could do to a child. Not to say her adult children were all perfect, they weren't, but they stayed together. She had done what God called her to do. It paid off on days like today when she saw her son turn his heart to the only One who could heal him. Therefore, she never lost faith. Why she had stuck it out. In the end, God might say to her, “Well done, my good and faithful servant."

  Ellen decided it was time for Tommy to get over thinking only of herself. She was being selfish and distant again. She had been painting in her art room for three days now. She probably had enough art for a whole gallery. The children were at home with Frank, and Owen was at the sheriff's office.

  She walked into the kitchen to find Cole cooking something that smelled heavenly. Her sons would have burned down the kitchen if they tried baking. Cole was an interesting man. He felt comfortable enough to cook. He smiled. "How are you doin’? You didn't bring the children with you?"

  Ellen chuckled. "Nope, not today. You really like my children, don't you?"

  He nodded. "I just like children, but yours are special."

  She smiled. "I think so." She added, "So how’s everything here?"

  He cleaned the flour off his hands. "Okay, I guess."

  "You get used to her mood swings?" she asked in a low voice.

  He shrugged. "I’m used to it with my sister. Even though she's given her heart to God, she still struggles with control--or lack of it." A shadow passed over his face.

  "Tommy is paintin’ again?" She nodded toward the door.

  "Not ‘again,' more like ‘still.' You going to make her cry or something? I do when my sister gets this way."

  Ellen smiled lightly and shrugged. "Tommy don't cry."

  He stared at her. "Why not?"

  "I haven't seen her cry since Pedro died." She paused, "Not even when Ben and Missy died."

  "Why?" He asked again.

  "I don't know. She just holds everything in and doesn't let it out for way too long."

  "I’ll pray for you to help
her and for her," Cole said simply.

  Ellen walked by and laid a gentle hand on his tan cheek. "Thank you, son. We will need it." She could sense that maybe Cole hadn't had a woman touch him in a motherly way in a long time. He wasn't her son, but she was a mother to everyone. It was just who she was.

  Ellen walked into the painting room and saw it was dimly lit, and the paintings had been adding up since Tommy was hiding away.

  The one painting she had on the canvas was of the violence of a storm raging over the gulf. Tommy's painting of storms could be so fierce and violent, you could almost feel the wind against your face, the sting of the saltwater, and hear the thunder.

  Ellen sat in the chair next to her. "You know you can't hide here forever."

  Tommy didn't respond, but just kept painting.

  "Tommy, we’ve talked about you hidin’ before."

  "I just don't like it." Tommy put down the brush and sighed. "It will change our relationship."

  "No, it won't. Not if you don't let it." Ellen told her. "You have to respect Sawyer and let him make his own decisions. Just like he would with the things you do with your life. He has always supported you in everything you’ve done."

  Tommy looked at her. "But it hurts."

  None of Ellen's children had ever dealt with change very well. Tommy liked things the same. And when it came to Sawyer, it got worse. She felt her life getting out of her control. It was life though. "That's because you see the change in them, and it takes time to adjust to their decisions. In time, your pain will pass, and things will get back to normal. You need to be strong and consider what Sawyer thinks is best for him."

  Tommy nodded. Being called selfish stung. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act like that again."

  Ellen touched her hand. "We all have struggles; we just have to learn to overcome them."

  Tommy nodded. "I will try." She paused, like she was trying to say something. "Since we’re bein’ honest with each other…I noticed something with the children, especially the older boys."

  Ellen nodded. "I know, but I don't know what it is. I’ve been praying about it. I've been feeling this weight on my heart for a long time now. I don't understand it. I've been fasting about it, but I don't know what it could be. The boys are so angry, and the girls have been very naughty lately. I don't know why."